By SuperShe Staff
Society can make choosing not to have children feel like the mother of all mistakes. Whether it’s your gal pals or your parents, it seems like someone’s always asking you when you’re planning on producing some offspring. Well, news flash, people: some of us just don’t want kids and it’s perfectly OK to admit it.
So we’re changing the narrative from childless to child-free, because not bringing up a baby doesn’t make you lesser than. Too often, women are seen as selfish or spinsters if they don’t want kids, and that is absolute B-f*cking-S. In fact, the number of babies born in the U.S. hit a record 32-year low in 2017 and badass babes, like Jennifer Aniston, Oprah Winfrey and Helen Mirren have opened up about their decision to pass on procreating.
To end the stigma that surrounds choosing no children, SuperShe is sharing stories from ladies who decided to ditch diapers and do life their way in this ongoing series. If you’re one of them, we want to hear about your experience!
Child-Free Confession #3: “I Love My Carefree Lifestyle”
“There was not one aha moment when I decided that I didn’t want children. It happened over the years. When a girlfriend would have a child, I’d realize that I did not have a desire to do the same. Or when I had a conversation with friends or a partner, I felt myself leaning away from the idea. In my late 30s, it became really clear to me that I wanted to remain child-free. It wasn’t hard at all for me to make that choice. It just happened naturally over the years, as it became clear to me that motherhood wasn’t something that I was seeking out for myself.
There were a few factors that influenced my choice. For one, I always felt that it wasn’t the right time. And when it was pointed out to me that I wasn’t getting any younger, I realized that I didn’t care and that there would never be a right time because, in truth, motherhood was not something that I desired or wanted to ‘achieve’ in life.
Another important factor was that I really did not want to be pregnant. I did not want to go through that physically. Nor did I want to go through the experience of giving birth. I have attended two home births (both are my godchildren) and seen that birth is an amazing experience, but nothing I want to personally do.
Finally, I really never had the desire to nurture and raise a child. I love my godchildren and friends’ kids. Whenever I hang out with them, people tell me that ‘it looks good on me’ or that I would ‘be a great mom.’ The truth is that I love to hang, spend time, and have fun with the kids, but, at the end of the day, I am happy they go home with their parents.
One big benefit of my choice is that I never felt the pressure of the so-called biological clock. Even when I was single and dating in my late 30s, I never felt the urgency to meet someone and quickly progress into an exclusive, serious relationship in order to start a family.
I also have a lot of freedom. In my early 40s, I quit my full-time job and traveled through Southeast Asia for half a year. And a few years ago, I decided to leave New York City and move out West, which I was able to do in a short period of time without having to worry about finding schools or daycare.
For some people, the choice of remaining child-free contradicts their worldview. A conversation can almost turn hostile, as if my decision makes them feel their choices are being criticized. I used to bristle during interactions like that, but now, I don’t even engage in a discussion where I would have to play defense and explain my choices. I just make a soft remark like, ‘We all live the way that’s best for us’ and think of my next move—preferably a vacation at an adults-only resort in the Caribbean…⛱.”
— Mariah from New York